“We’d Rather Feel Guilty than Helpless”

I read that a few years ago in a psychology article and the truth of it has stayed with me. There is something about being human that often the thing we cannot withstand is to sit in the discomfort of knowing that we often have little control over so many things.  And so rather than experience that discomfort, we turn to guilt.

We turn to guilt even when it is clearly irrational, in a sort of magical thinking that if we had done something different, something bad wouldn’t have occurred. But the reality is, much of life is random, and there are forces beyond our control.

I think the issue is not to try and ignore feelings of guilt (hey, sometimes they’re warranted) but to instead learn how to simply accept the feelings of helplessness.

One thing that can help with that is to be clear where we are helpless, and where we are not. As systems theory teaches us, we do not have control over other people, but we do have control over ourselves.

I have been feeling helpless about what is happening here in Texas and across the country with the waves of terrible legislation rolling over us all. I don’t have the ability to control the outcome, but I am not helpless.

I can vote. Are you registered to vote? For Williamson County, you can verify your information at www.wilco.org/elections. 

On some days, I can “drop a card” for or against certain bills. Our Director of Lifespan Faith Development, Chris Jarman, drives to the capitol most mornings with her spouse, running up to the building just close enough to get on their wifi and register her support/objection.

On some days, I can attend rallies or sign up to testify. I read the emails that come from the Texas UU Justice Ministry to know what is needed.

I can write letters to the editor. The Side with Love organization has great tips and talking points at Side with Love.

I can call my congresspeople. I can call congresspeople in other states, too, like Tennesee, to let them know that the rest of the country is watching them.

Unitarian minister Edward Everett Hale wrote: “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

I cannot control everything. But I am not helpless.