Things We Learn...

Things We Learn…and Learn Again

Live Oak, September 30, 2007

Rev. Kathleen Ellis

Education, like the religious education directed by Amanda, is fundamentally important throughout our lives. People simply enjoy learning new things. Some of the more lasting lessons, though, come about through the mistakes we make. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we’ll probably get another chance! Even better—and certainly far easier—is to learn from OTHER people’s mistakes!

Some of the things we learn come through normal skills development. Imagine that you are an infant… Look at your hands with new appreciation! … Stretch out your fingers, your arms… Wriggle your toes… Smile… Babble… Laugh! ... Shrug your shoulders and feel how good it is to rearrange your position on the chair… Imagine learning to stand, to pull yourself up at the side of the crib or a table… Imagine crawling on all fours, taking a step, falling <plop> and getting up again… Whatever we can do on a physical level we probably don’t remember learning any of it.

I do remember learning to roller skate by holding on to a neighbor’s fence and rolling along then carefully lifting one foot, then the other. By the time I was 12, my best friend and I learned to careen down a sidewalk on skates and make a 90 degree turn at top speed without running off the edge and falling all the way down the hill into the fence at the bottom—which we did more than once! Riding a bike, learning to swim or play an instrument—all theses activities take a certain amount of ability, but more than that, they take a lot of diligence.

My sons’ great-grandmother learned to make biscuits out of necessity. Granny was one of 11 children and when she was 9 years old, it became her job to make biscuits for the family every morning. By the time I met her, she must have been making biscuits from scratch for 7 decades. Let’s see, if she just made them once a week, that would be 3,640 batches, more than 65,000 biscuits by 1970, and she kept going for 25 more years. I watched her with interest and admiration.

She’d get out a big, oval, wooden bowl and start with several cups of flour. Into the center, she’d work in the shortening with her fingers until the consistency was right. She’d make a depression in the center, then add some buttermilk, soda, baking powder, and salt. She never measured a thing. Granny learned to bake using a wood-fired oven, but now she had a more modern oven. And out came the lightest, fluffiest biscuits you ever could imagine.

I never quite got the knack of baking without measuring, though I tried countless times under Granny’s supervision and on my own. Eventually I came to rely on Better Homes and Gardens’ basic recipe and made slight adjustments according to the temperature and moisture of the day. Over and over, again and again. One day, the family exclaimed, “These are as good as Granny’s!” Now that was high praise!

The kind of learning I have been talking about is either through natural childhood development or through persistence and practice. Most of the time, when you try something new, it won’t be perfect.

This was brought home to me recently in a yoga class. As the class tries various poses, we’re sometimes encouraged to send some loving attention to an arm or a leg, whatever body part is working especially hard. Love your body—you’ll only have it for a short time. Exercise, yoga, weights, swimming, anything and everything that you can do, will benefit your body. Some parts might be replaceable, from teeth to hips to kidneys, but for the most part, this is the body that makes it possible for you to do anything at all.

The women’s sharing list has had an interesting discussion this week about osteoporosis and what to do about it. Medication, weight-bearing exercise, special supplements, and periodic monitoring have all been addressed. The group consensus seems to be to do it all, if necessary—take steps now to avoid painful compression fractures and brittle bones that can disable you for the rest of your life. Dawn Marsalis Winkelmann had this to say on Friday:

“Doing what you can when you can and never thinking any one approach is the ultimate solution nor permanent is the only approach I advocate these days. =) Being constantly aware and in tune with your own body is what I feel is the key to being sure we use up every last bit of joy, life, love, and talent we have without either those gifts or our bodies giving out too early. ;-)”

Your body is a temporary shell that needs attention.

In addition to the wisdom I have learned from other people, there’s always the cumulative wisdom from dog owners and what they have learned from their dogs:

· Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride. · Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. · When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. · When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. · Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. · Take naps and stretch before rising. · Run, romp, and play daily. · Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. · Be loyal. · If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. · When someone is having a bad day, be silent. Sit close by and nuzzle gently. · Thrive on attention and let people touch you. · Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. · When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. · No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…. run right back and make friends · Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.

So if you work like a dog, don’t forget to play, too!

The older I get, the more I notice that simple joys have as much long-term impact as exuberance does in the short-term. To put it more precisely, noticing simple joy goes a long way toward improving my overall attitude from day to day. Perhaps that is my basic antidote to the aches and pains that no longer go away so easily. Has anyone else noticed that?

So when I do my aerobics and yoga and walking, I am grateful for what I am able to do, and forgiving of my body for its shortcomings. My best inspiration is another woman in the gym who is around 80 years old and still working out to the best of her ability. Patience, persistence, and practice have already paid dividends for future years.

More intangible lessons arise in the realm of emotion. Sooner or later we all learn that loss is inevitable. That’s one reason it’s important to teach children that life goes on even if we don’t get what we want or when bad things happen in our lives. Stress and mental illness ranging from mild depression to major psychosis take their toll not just on the individuals directly affected, but to family members, colleagues, and the mental health professionals who work with them.

In working with people in difficult situations, I also had to learn that I could neither “fix them” nor change their lives. Adversity happens and there is nothing we can do to make the past go away. The best we can do is to cope with the aftermath, figure out the next useful step, and get through the day with help if we need it.

I have spent a fair number of years associated with people under stress. My brother was paranoid schizophrenic; I counseled parents whose children had been either stillborn or born with a life-threatening illness; later I worked in a shelter for battered women and their children.

I have also worked with people under stress because of an extremely happy event. For instance, couples approach weddings in a variety of ways. Some of them put weddings together quickly and just basically want time with their friends. Some spend over a year in preparations nearly to the point of exhaustion. It’s especially difficult when too many people who want to help forget to consider the wishes of the bride and groom.

The wedding for my first marriage was a very simple, family affair and went along with familiar traditions. My second wedding took place 28 years later. There was no question about where Jon and I would have the ceremony—it would be in the church I served at the time in College Station.

As the wedding day approached, a younger adult asked Jon what our parents thought. He just laughed—at our age, we didn’t even think to ask our parents what they thought—we just announced the date!

Again we opted for simple, then a lot of church members got involved so we just got out of the way and let the fun build up. The church choir sang, two members sang solos, someone made two beautiful cakes, and others decorated or brought food. Four little girls wanted to be flower girls, so one of the mothers helped shepherd them down the aisle, each with her own color of rose petals. One of the older members brought his Chicken Ranch Band made up of self-described grizzled old-timers to play for the reception. So our first dance was “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” played on tuba and trombone, with an oom pah pah beat. This chaotic free-for-all afternoon party wasn’t “perfect,” but it was wonderful.

Those of you who play musical instruments might remember there was a time when lessons and practice were boring. You might have hated it or you might have eaten it up. But there is a divide between those who say, “I’m glad someone made me continue” and others who say, “I wish I hadn’t quit.” As someone who took up flute as an adult, I say maybe it’s not too late! I play for fun with a musical jam session that meets every Sunday evening. Last weekend we took over a lodge in Colorado and played for hours every day.

We call ourselves “The Bakery Jam” because we meet socially at Texas French Bread on South Congress. We even have a T-shirt. On the front it says, “The Bakery Jam—Spreading the Music.” On the back it says, “We’re all good at something else.”

I suspect that lessons gained from emotional joy and trauma profoundly influence the more ethereal lessons of the spirit. Now is your moment in all its joy and sorrow, pain and comfort. Your experiences have made you who you are, and you have much to offer the rest of the world. Being in a community helps us share the highs and lows. For if we and our children are unable to share our struggles and triumphs, we have an inadequate means for processing and growing from them. Dealing with things alone also means depriving someone else of our rich experiences. Everyone learns a lot from helping others through times of great importance.

Let your spirit rise from the ashes of your difficult days. Say yes to your intentions of body, heart, and spirit. Your finished product may not be what you had planned or dreamed, but perfection is not and never has been in the cards. Could you ever live with the perfect person, especially if that person is yourself? No way! Good intentions have an important function in pointing to some aspect of your life that needs consideration. Physical, emotional, and spiritual development flow at different rates at various stages of our lives. Perhaps you already know where you long to grow … … … Be here now … … … then take one step in that direction.

Amen, Blessed Be, and Vaya con Su Dios