Making Time

Kathleen Ellis

15 May 2005

Summer time used to stretch out for three glorious months. We would play outside everyday, have a rest period each afternoon (because our mother needed a break), and just do whatever came to mind. Were we goofing off? Probably—but we had a chance to get creative as we built forts, became pioneers, or invented secret codes.

My sister Jean, an extrovert, organized theater groups and even persuaded me to play the part of Toto in The Wizard of Oz. She would be Captain Marvel, ready for any adventure. I have always been an introvert, and much preferred to read a book or play with one friend at a time. We did not speak the same language, and our different styles really interfered with communication.

Times have changed from those carefree days of imagination and free play, books to read in my grandfather’s big wing chair, the pogo sticks, dodge ball, and activities at the youth center. The number of scheduled activities has increased far beyond what I ever experienced as a child.

There’s no question that we have a fast passed society here. Everyone is “busy” all the time or we think we’re probably wasting time. Whether we are employed or volunteers, single or coupled, raising children or empty nesters, we manage to fill our days. For some of you your days may be filled with boredom, but how many would readily admit that without a good excuse. People in hospitals are generally ready to go home when they get bored. Otherwise, when someone asks how we are, the most common answer is “busy.”

Parents may read to their children from One Minute Bedtime Stories, carefully condensed so as to shorten the bedtime ritual. They may also read One Minute Birthday Stories, One Minute Teddy Bear Stories, and One Minute Christmas Stories. Who has time to read anymore when we desperately need that time to prepare for the next day?

According to James Gleick, who wrote Faster: The Acceleration of Just About Everything, Major League baseball officials changed rules in the 1990s, greatly motivated by a need to save time. Batters had to stay within 3 feet of the batter’s box between pitches; pitchers had to throw within 12 seconds after the batter was in place, down from 20 seconds. Transitions between innings were simplified.

Efficiency experts cut at least six minutes from the average game—to make room for more commercials, I expect. Baseball is the one game that’s supposed to be time-unlimited—an inning can go as long as batters make hits, and both teams have the same number of innings. It’s very odd to think of baseball and busyness at the same time.

My nephew Pete plays baseball in his hometown of Columbus, Ohio, but for most of us sports have become a subset of television time. TV now averages three hours a day. Some people I know have the TV on all the time—not that they’re watching it, but it keeps them company.

In the old days when television was new we had three channels. Now we have computers, Palm Pilots, cell phones, and electronic games.

The other day I looked on the Internet for “Game Boy” and there were 28,600,000 web sites. Play Station has over 30 million; Xbox has half a million more. Unitarian brings up about 2 million web sites. Here’s some of the promotional text for Game Boy.

“The Game Boy Advance SP plays every game that can also be played on the Game Boy Advance. And vice versa. That's hundreds and hundreds of Game Boy Advance-only games. Want to go retro? You can also play every Game Boy or Game Boy Color game ever made. We've lost count, but trust us -- that's plenty

“Swap items. School your pals. Simply connect any combination of GBA SP and classic GBA systems. Some games even let you share a single Game Pak. Now that's spreading the joy.”

Game Boy has a full range of possibilities from Pokémon and Sponge Bob Square Pants to Backyard Baseball, Star Trek and Robots:

“For example, ‘Experience the adventures of a genius inventor robot named Rodney Copperbottom as he moves to the big city to work for the company founded by his childhood hero. Rodney, however, uncovers a villain's plot to take over the city and must foil it for the sake of robots everywhere.’”

On Friday, a newspaper article announced the new Xbox 360,featuring awesome graphics and an alternative to the highly popular PlayStation. Xbox has a 20-gigabyte detachable, upgradable hard drive and an online gaming service. You can get a video camera so you and your buddies and competitors can see each other as well as chat.

In a society when there are so many options to keep us busy with work and school, church and family, mail and messages, and maybe a little time for ourselves, it’s easy to encourage children to stay just as busy as adults. Idle time for children can be filled with after-school lessons and sports, computers and cell phones.

Anxiety about being a good parent and providing every opportunity for our children can add stress to the whole family. I wonder what we’re doing to ourselves, to society, and to families, when we constantly try to do multiple things at once or force ourselves and our children to learn more and more.

Even newborns can listen to “Baby Einstein” tapes to stimulate their intellectual development. On the other hand, Albert Einstein as a child was slow intellectually and was a poor student. We can play Mozart for babies, but there’s no way to know whether Mozart is better than folk music or jazz. The research on the “Mozart effect” to enhance learning was done with college students. The slight advantage was short lived.

We have a distorted sense of balance and how to achieve it. Schools find it necessary to eliminate music and the arts in order save money and to have more time to work on academics and testing. Some schools have eliminated recess. Between 1981 and 1997, the amount of homework increased dramatically, according to a study at the University of Michigan. Homework tripled for 6-8 year olds. Young people carry home literally a backbreaking load of books and assignments, sometimes including laptop computers.

How did we get to the point of sleep deprivation among kids who rush from school to band practice, squeeze in homework in the car, get the tutoring they need, and do some volunteer or paid job that will look good on their anticipated applications?

Parents sacrifice a lot for their children, to give them advantages later on. It’s really great that fathers and mothers spend more time with their kids. The downside is that kids can constantly be compared to Jeremy and Susie in the same class. Why can’t our Joey and Liz do as well? Are kids getting the message that they’re not measuring up to the expectations of adults? Not even adults want to feel that kind of pressure.

Time is our most precious commodity. We humans are the ones who have divided it up into the tiniest of nanoseconds, but we still can’t generate more of it. The divisions are totally arbitrary. If we take a 45-minute bus trip and read a book on the way, is that better than a 30-minute car trip when we can’t read? What if we listen to a book on tape? What will we really do with the 15-minute savings?

Lucy Hedrick collected 365 ways to save time. As James Gleick describes part of her book,

“Tip No. 60: “You can sometimes sit quietly and do nothing. Go where your daydreams take you.” Bear in mind the apparent contradiction with tip No. 1: “Your time is a valuable resource. Don’t waste it.” To sum up: pack your driving time with extra mental stimulus, but don’t take on more than one activity at a time, and for that matter don’t forget to sit and do nothing. Empty time can be good—but come to think of it, you shouldn’t have empty time, because you are practicing tip No. 70: “When you identify some uncommitted time, choose a task from your ‘to do’ list and make an appointment to do it.” Unless, that is, you remember tip No. 25: make your to-do lists shorter. And for the sake of completeness, No. 27: Make a “not to do” list.

We are swimming in an ocean of time. We are surrounded each day, with its 1,440 minutes, potentially an open and expansive space over which we do have some choices.

Hobbies and special interests are great, and I feel sorry for people of any age who don’t have any. I also believe in encouraging kids to try new things. For example, I required my sons to take two years of music—any instrument of their choice. One did his time with cello then gave it up; the other one tried trombone and played all the way through college. But at some point they needed to choose their activities or even choose to goof off, or rest, or go chop wood alone.

Many of our children will have a summer break; many high school graduates anticipate one more summer of fun before they begin college, technical school, or full time employment. At this turn of season, we adults have a similar opportunity to consider how we live. Last night I saw the movie What the Bleep Do We Know? One line that stuck with me was “Welcome to the world of infinite possibilities!”

What to do? What to do? Ask yourself what you want to be.

A fourteen-year-old boy, Mattie Stepanek, has written poetry since he was three years old—Heartsongs, he calls them. He has been a Goodwill Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association in Maryland and for the nation. Seven years ago he wrote “Songs of the Wind.”

“Listen to the wind.

If you listen carefully,

You will hear soft notes.

Listen with your mind and

Heart—you will hear a song.

A soft, relaxing song that

Reminds you of peace,

Harmony, and love.

If you hear this song,

Always remember it.

For if you do,

You can teach it

To other people,

And they, too, will forever

Remember their Heartsongs.”

You and your partners and your children need the time and the opportunity to listen to the wind, to hear your own Heartsongs. My husband Jon Montgomery tells me it is his job to protect my solitude and I feel that it’s my job to protect his own. Believe it or not, we are both introverts, that is, we recharge our batteries in quiet solitude.

Whether you have a preference for quiet or for stimulation, you need time just to be yourself. Think back on your childhood for a moment and try to remember what it was you wanted to be when you grew up. What is the essence that has continued throughout your life? Who are you in your heart? Your dreams may have changed since then. You may spend your days differently.

Still, we have 168 hours in a week. Even if you deduct 60 hours for work and sleep 8 hours a night, you still have about 50 hours a week. Can you spare 2 and a half hours—5 percent of that time—for yourself? Can you protect that much time for each member of the family?

It is hard for me (and perhaps for you) to let go of the need to do one more thing on my to-do list. There is no end to the list; there is always more that needs to be done.

A wise mentor said he took a walk for an hour every day. When his days were extra busy and stressful, he walked for two hours.

“Listen to the wind.

If you listen carefully,

You will hear soft notes.

Listen with your mind and

Heart—you will hear a song. . . .”

Let us help one another hear and remember our own Heartsongs. Mattie also writes,

“Every journey begins

with but a small step.

And every day is a chance

For a new, small step

In the right direction.

Just follow your Heartsong.”

Amen and Blessed Be